Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
