I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
