Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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