I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
