You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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