i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
