I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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