I want to have your abortion
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
