Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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