I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
