; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
