I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
