All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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