mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
