I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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