It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
