Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
