Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
