he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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