there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
