mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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