you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
