Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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