Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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