"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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