She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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