I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
please don't ironically join a cult
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