I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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