I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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