why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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