Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
