get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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