I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
