he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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