i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's never too late to be topless.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
