yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
