id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
