I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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