can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
