3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
