i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
