Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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