I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
