Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
40s are totally the cure
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
