every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
