Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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