We named our party play list daddy issues
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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