I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
