JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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