You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
