Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
