I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
