I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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