youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
