Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
