new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
