We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
