Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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