I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
