hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So much Jack, so little girl.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
