The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
