His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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